Thursday, 7 January 2010

Too cold to play outside.

It's 6 degrees outside, but that's only a farce. The winds are fiercely blowing and wind chills are biting at -14, which in the long running history of MN, is not actually all that bad. The "countryside" is looking pretty barren, That's how I feel about finding a job. The lack of sunlight and warmth and money are analogous to each other. However, they return in due time, it's just super frustrating when all you want to do is go outside and run around, and you can't because your nose would fall off and your fingers curl into themselves out of shock at the scorn of the cold if you tried.

Mom being is home today. Things are a little bit more high strung when she has days off. There's usually an agenda, and I feel more like an unaccomplished crazy person than ever. Applied to a bunch of menial administrative positions that pay more than TJ's, but suck at your soul a little bit more. The money totally compensates for the soul-crushing tedium though, right?

Any feelings of adrift? That would be how I would most describe my feelings today. Whether on a mountain top or canoeing on an a river or some sort of physical activity which is constantly pushing you back, not out of spite, but just because that is its nature of being. It doesn't laugh at you when you feel discouraged or fall back. It looks at you indifferently and sees if you will continue the attempt. If you don't, it'll still sit there and wait for the next person, and if you do, it'll still be there accompanying you along the way. So, I guess then, the best way to play it is not to fight that mountain, river, ocean. How so very poetic. The only thing I'm going up against right now is time, myself, where I think I want to go and maybe money. Most definitely money, but just because it allows you to have options.

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